why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
