There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
