I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
