oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
