There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
she looked like the before picture.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
two words...techno handjob
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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