thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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