some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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