some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
