Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
