I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
