I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
