she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
