he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
