Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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