we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
