I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
