Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Randomize
