chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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