the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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