Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
