I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
