Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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