you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
