I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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