I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
The uberlube is also flammable
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
