we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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