We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
