I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
