the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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