So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
