the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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