possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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