Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
