Can i not drive my cunt home
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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