we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
did i walk over a car last night?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
We are all done wearing pants today
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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