mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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