He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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