My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
