we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Actions speak louder than pants.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
