hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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