Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
