I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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