you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
