And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
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