I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
BRING THE BAGELS
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I party with great urgency now.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
