By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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