that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
