Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
