The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
All the doctor said was why
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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