Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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