So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
