he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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