When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Randomize
