Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
