well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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