my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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