dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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