dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
